negotiation

 a bit skeptical. but how i felt after a discussion with a so called professional.

Negotiation, perhaps I have had it wrong all along. I thought negotiation was a discussion aimed at reaching an agreement. But I just learned recently that negotiation was only one sided and that you only need one to negotiate.

And I also learned recently that it is not really a discussion at all.

But what for the sake of argument you take the “old “definition into context, what is one side in not or non-agreeable, and will never agree to anything unless they are the once who are making the demands?

Well that is where the one sided comes into play. If you are the patsy, let say for the sake of this essay the man, you have no room for negotiation. I have learned a whole new set of rules in negotiation.  It is not a discussion, and to reach an agreement is not always the goal. The goal is to not get physical, its to be stoic and relinquish all power in your “negotiation”

So as not to confuse negotiation with power and control, let discuss eight new rules of negotiation.

1.      Never under any circumstance must you get physical. You must be non-threatening  If your demander is attacking you, poking you, slapping you, throwing pots and pans at you, taunting you for a reaction. You goal is not to reach an agreement , because your abuser , oh sorry, negotiator, has no intention of reaching an agreement, they want a reaction and the reaction they are looking for is for you to get physical and to touch them , so they can accuse you of abuse and hopefully get some monetary gains. Or just the elation of having control over you.

So, you must not in any circumstance touch your abuser, try and run , if they are blocking your exit, as most do, look for another exit. If they are poking at your chest, clasp your hands behind your back. If they slap you , pull your hair, well, let them.  You are in no place to protect yourself; negotiation is one sided. My advice is try and get away but don’t let them trip you on the way out, they may claim you broke their foot. You can under no circumstances make your partner feel threatened or not safe , no matter how badly they attack you and threaten your safety.

2.       When negotiating in the new world, there is no room for sarcasm, that may convey contempt. Yes if you must use words in your negotiations, you must not offend or upset your dominant partner, remember its one sided. So you must choose your words correctly, You win, or you’re right hunny, or how much do you want hun, is always good advice when in negotiations. Remember, the new definition of respect is give her what she wants.

3.      Be willing to compromise. Yes in the new negotiations, you must be willing to compromise. I guess to give and take. But what is one side does all the giving and the other side does all of the taking. Well then, in the new compromise,  in order to keep the peace in the family, the man , who society sees as the more dominant one, must stand down and let the female partner get all she wants, or else you may see her wrath and we all know how that turns out.

4.      No Shaming must be interpreted. If your oppressor is making threats towards you, calling you names, humiliating you, lying to you, yelling at you, blaming you for her mistakes, or sorry I mean HIS mistakes,  Then it is not your place to make them feel ashamed of what they are doing , because one, they never will, and two, they don’t care  So in this third rule of negotiation,  It is advisable to let them yell and curse as much as they can , and your response is this rule , is no response at all. Remember the old saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones….”  Some still believe that.

5.      This next rule is difficult but necessary in the new negotiations. Absolutely no guilt trips. Even if your partner attacks you with a knife, opens credit cards with your information, takes out loans with your information, lies on tax returns, lies to police, to punish your for not meeting their demands. You, by no means, should try and make them face their guilt, because in their eyes, they are not guilty at all, You made them do it. In order to be a good one-sided negotiator, you must not upset your partner in any way. But be careful, by not responding and giving them the reaction that they want, be prepared for their destruction to get worse. Negotiation Is not to reach an agreement like it used to be, now it is to make your partner appeased, so that they won’t make a scene and blame you. But news flash, they will make a scene either way. So, it is advisable to run and run as fast as your can. If you have children, then be prepared to be made guilty about something with the children. But again, its okay for your partner to do those things in the one sided negotiation techniques, but you must not do anything.  .. No matter how many times they lie to you, betray you, deceive you, manipulate you, you must be accountable for what is your fault, you must truthful even though its okay for your partner to lie. You must admit your wrongs not theirs, if you defend yourself against your attacker and push them out of your way, you must take responsibility about your use of defense, I mean violence. You can only control your actions, not  your partners.

6.      If you are a Man, then no male privilege allowed. No toxic masculinity in negotiating. Do not treat her like a servant, do not have the buck stop with you making all the big decisions. You are not the leader of the family; you are not the master of the castle. And you certainly are not the one to define men’s and women’s roles. No, SHE is. Remember this in the new negotiations. if you do not remember this rule, then you will be severely punished emotionally, psychologically and most of all financially. No one will help you. if you forget this one very important rule of negotiation. The lawyers wont help you , they will just make you pay. The courts will not help you, they will also take your money or threaten you with jail. The only help that you will get is that there are many available classes set up for men who forget this rule, for a fee. So please remember this rule, the rule used to be called “Happy wife, happy life” but if shes not happy and you don’t remember this important rule, then…

7.      Accept that times have changed. Yes, this important rule of negotiation takes some study, since be careful if you call a she a she or a he a he. They may be offended and we don’t want to offend anyone. If your partner does not get their way , they might be offended. If you partner does not see that you are intimidated, they might get offended, If your partner thinks that you are getting the upper hand in these new negotiations, then they might get offended. And remember your goal is not to offend your partner in any way shape or form. If you are offended, well that’s okay, but you must not show it, or react to it, you must control your feelings. Not your partners.

8.      Remember the one key in the new negotiation, You are Wrong!. Just remember whatever you do, you are wrong. Be humble, like the customer is always right, well in a marriage the woman, wife is always right. If you are strong, that is male privilege and  you are wrong. If you make more money and you try to control spending , that is abuse , you are wrong. If you wife does something crazy and you speak up, that is emotional abuse , you are wrong. If she does anything wrong it is because you made her do that, and if you call BS on that , you are wrong. If you call your wife a she and she wants to be called a he, then I am not sure what that is, but I know that you are wrong.

Have you gotten this far? Does this seem a bit sarcastic? Do you agree? many will, many wont? That is our new reality. There are not absolutes, no real truths anymore. In the old days.. families were raised in church and the good book told us how to live and treat one another and how to raise our families. But now women complain that David and Solomon were womanizers since they had more than one wife. And of course, Jesus the one who Christians follow, is a man.. so now even the good book is seen as wrong. 

So at the end of the day, you can only control you. All the evil around, all the greed, all the crime. All of the emotional pain, what are you going to do? The best that you can.